When you cant focus

In the past few weeks/months, I didn’t have my focus on one specific thing, I was doing multiple things at the same time, I tried to study English to improve it and have better score, I tried to read more about PHP (as each day pass I feel that am losing and forgetting everything I used to know once about PHP), and Finally I was also reading and trying to expand my knowledge for Docker.

I know that this is not a normal situation, but things are not getting any easier, every day a new thing to deal with, a new problem or a more complicated situation to think about and try to figure a solution for it, many I can’t do much as it is out of my control.

I always said and keep saying that am not a real programmer for many reasons, I didn’t study computer engineering nor computer science, I studied Information Technology which has some interaction with programming, but not as deep as computer science for example, and this is one of the reasons why I don’t stop reading books about programming, I always feel that there is something missing that I don’t fully know so I need to search and try to figure it out.

And many times sadly, I spend a lot of money on books that I don’t have time to read or resources that I found not as useful as I thought it would be for me. Which sadly leaves me with too much time to spend with the family. and am so lucky to have family/wife who supports me, and supports my premonition of reading and filling the gaps.

But this does not make me less than any good programmer out there, which is something I know, but I always try to forget and pretend that am not that good, so I keep doing what I do best, annoy everyone around me with my premonition.

Right now I have a lot of things to do, and so little time to do them all, but am trying, maybe not my best yet, and not sure when my best will come out, but at least am still trying and don’t want to stop.

So what’s next, I have no idea, but I know that I need to fix my English and try to understand the new terms in the PHP world that everyone is using nowadays.

Sometimes when you spend too much time working on one project, you will lose touch with the outside world as your focus will be to get the project done correctly, not in the fancy way that every new term likes to shine.

Anyway, it’s me talking before going to bed, so am sure none of what I have just said will make any sense.

Filed under: Books, Personal

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